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Question

How can I let go of my dream wedding?

I have been with my husband for almost 7 years. We got engaged a little after 5 years of being together. I had always been clear that I wanted to get married and I sadly would drop hints about how i wanted him to propose. When he did propose it was during a random vacation that I had planned. I was happy but I couldn't help feeling disappointed too.I had told him numerous times before that I wanted him to do it in front of my friends and family. I know it sounds dumb to be upset but I couldn't help how I was feeling.We are now married but the wedding and ring were also far from what I wanted and it wasn't due to lack of funds. I know this is all material and the marriage is the most important thing but I cant help but get jealous and envious every time I see someone get a proposal or wedding that I had wanted.I cant help my anger because I know we only get one proposal and one wedding. What I wanted will never happen.I have been working on my feelings for the past year and half to get over it. I try to focus on our marriage but every time I see someone have the best proposals and weddings I get upset.I know it is selfish and I know its petty but I just can't control it. It's ruining our relationship because I constantly think about it. Plus, I get mad at him for small things because I am trying to hide the fact that I am so disappointed. Why can't I move on?