About Social Relationships
It’s easy to start a relationship as everything just seems to fall into place when you start out; however, what’s difficult about relationships is keeping it going. Imagine having to work out the differences between you and your partner for months or years! Most people fall out of love after six months as they start to see behavioral patterns that they find repulsive and they realize that their lover is not exactly what they thought they were. It takes a lot of patience, love, care and compassion to accept someone in spite of all their shortcomings, so when signs of an unhealthy relationship starts to show, you can either let go of the person you claim to love or work it out with them and seek relationship counseling and stay together, hopefully forever.
Why Relationships Fail
There are three broad reasons why relationships fail and those are surface problems, problems of habit and deep underlying problems. Problems in relationships could sprout out of nowhere and before you know it you’re trying to put out a forest fire with just one small tank of fire extinguisher. The reasons may include low self-esteem, insecurity, lack of trust, different expectations in a relationship, inability to talk about the relationship, lack of desire to find a way to make it work and a laundry list of other misgivings. The problem with couples is that they sometimes both focus on the hurt and pain and demand stuff from their partners to make amends when they both should focus on communicating and sorting out the problems without preconditions.
Broken trust between husbands and wives or live-in partners could result in a dysfunctional family relationship and cause their children to become problematic in school and other aspect of their social life. The husband and wife should immediately seek help (if they can’t fix the problem on their own that is) and they should also attend a family relationship therapy to mend past hurts and must forgive and accept each other in order to move forward and become a happy family again.
Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationship
If you’re in an intimate relationship with a partner or are married, then there are signs of a healthy and unhealthy relationship that you can identify as you interact with your significant other day by day.
• Mutual respect
• Separate identities
• Good communication
• A sense of playfulness/fondness
• Put one person before the other by neglecting yourself or your partner/
• Feel pressure to change who you are for the other person/
• Feel worried when you disagree with the other person/
• Feel pressure to quit activities you usually/used to enjoy/
• Pressure the other person into agreeing with you or changing to suit you better/
• Notice one of you has to justify your actions (e.g., where you go, who you see)/
• Notice one partner feels obligated to have sex or has been forced/
• Have a lack of privacy, and may be forced to share everything with the other person/
• You or your partner refuse to use safer sex methods/
• Notice arguments are not settled fairly/
• Experience yelling or physical violence during an argument/
• Attempt to control or manipulate each other/
• Notice your partner attempts to controls how you dress and criticizes your behaviors/
• Do not make time to spend with one another/
• Have no common friends, or have a lack of respect for each other’s’ friends and family/
• Notice an unequal control of resources (e.g., food, money, home, car, etc.)/
• Experience a lack of fairness and equality/
What to Do to Save Your Relationship
If you think that your relationship is spiraling out of control and headed for unhealthy marriage road that crosses the gallows of heartache street, then it’s probably time to consider getting relationship therapy or relationship counseling. There’s a thin line that couples cross (sometimes not knowingly) that can result in either showing signs of a healthy relationship or signs of a bad relationship and the relationship counselor can help you determine where and what that line is in your relationship. He/she can also make you aware once you’re dangerously approaching that said line and avoid it by consciously acting against your primal instincts that will hurt your partner.
Here at My Whole Health our lines are open and you can book an online session anytime and reach out to one of our therapist to help you.