About Family Conflict
Family doesn’t mean that everyone in it agrees to everything being conceived and decided upon by one or more family member in a dictatorship-like environment. No, family is where a lot of arguments, disagreements and conflicts happen, and the reason for those conflicts is each family member is constantly seeking a common ground with everybody else. However, disagreements and arguments are necessary in a family construct in order for it to function, because the more oppositions arise the better the final decision gets when the family (as a whole) decides to do something that they think is beneficial for them.
The goal of a family is to live happily with each other where each family member is satisfied with their share of responsibility, status and rewards (i.e. material, mental, physical and other forms of reward). Family counseling should be the family’s first consideration once these conflicts starts to escalate beyond their control in order to resolve it and restore a harmonious relationship between family members.
Factors that Causes Conflict in the Family
There are several factors that can disrupt harmony in the family and it is important that you can identify them in order for you to know what triggers them and quickly resolve any issue in the family without having to go to counselor for some relationship counseling. Below are some of the issues that families often have to deal with in their daily lives:
1. Communication – failure to communicate your thoughts and feelings to other family members will result in a number of negative interactions with them. As much as possible talk to each other on a regular basis and let each of your family members know your opinion about things that you do as a family and how you feel about them.
2. Work-Family Balance – this kind of problem in the family has been repeatedly used as a subplot in movies and TV series and the reason for that is because it is true. In the United States 90% - 95% of working parents experiences work/family conflict to some extent or another. Meanwhile in the EU a recent poll shows that a lot of employed parents are upset with how much time they spent with their family on a weekly basis and they feel that they need to spend more time with them.
3. Family Arguments – some experts believe that family arguments are normal and sometimes healthy for family growth and teaching young children about democracy as well as their rights as a human being. However, family arguments that are out of place and especially those that are out of context instigated by negative feelings or motivations are harmful to family growth.
4. Parenting Styles – both husband and wife/partners obviously have different upbringing and they will often carry their individual values of parenting in child rearing, which can cause conflict. If they will not have a give-and-take understanding of the matter, it can drive a wedge in their relationship. Couples who are experiencing this kind of friction in their relationship should seek professional help and undergo couples therapy immediately.
5. Financial Issues – money is a great motivator so much so that it is one of the fundamental reasons behind government corruption all over the world. But did you know that it can corrupt relationships too? Yes, money is that potent that marriage counselors would often suggest that couples ought not to focus their arguments on money as it can destroy relationships. If you do not want to get relationship therapy with your finances being the cause of it, then try to be more open and understanding of each other when it comes to your finances.
6. Grief – a death of a family member can also cause some tension between other family members who are left alive to grieve for their departed love one. Talking to each other or close friends about it helps your emotions heal, but if your whole family gets embroiled in a conflict over the death of your family member – especially if there is an underlying reason for it – then it may be best to find family counseling right away.
7. Substance Abuse – anyone in your family doing drugs will never have any positive effects whatsoever. So if you found out someone is doing drugs, then do not delay and seek help immediately and convince that family member as well as the rest of the family to undergo family counseling to resolve any issues you have that may have led him or her to drugs.
8. Behavioral Issues and Academic Concerns in Children and Adolescents – misbehaved adolescents can give their parents a lot of problems that will stress them out, not to mention that these adolescents can easily become troubled teens under bad circumstances. If you’re a parent and have adolescents in your family, take extra precaution about their behaviors and activities, but do not pressure them too much so they won’t show rebellious attitude towards you, which can make matters worse. Do consult with a family therapist just in case you need to sign up for family therapy sessions.